#I'm fuckin stressed out folks

[marrow-bone]

Currently applying for disability rn because I have like, 6, and seriously can't work, but I want to be able to at least feed myself with the pittance that is disability 'benefits'.

It's been horrible. It's so hard. I have three different 'can't do paperwork' diseases, and yet this is a poorly-worded loop-de-loop of harsh redtape nonsense that requires original copies of things and everything done *exactly* to standard , on top of needing to prove to a non-disabled person that I'm suffering enough to need a tiny bit of help, and hoping that they're not a massive dick, because it's just one person I have to 'impress' through writing things correctly. Also there's a short time limit. And if I miss the time limit (given I haven't gotten a call back from my case worker; I will miss the time limit) my case is automatically rejected and then I have to wait months before I can try again.

All because, I guess, the government is scared that a handful of people will abuse the system and take precious hundreds of dollars that could have gone to the billions sent overseas to bomb children every year, instead.

I think that it's really important for people to realize that being disabled is traumatic. genuinely. your body and brain feel like they are breaking down and wrong. you are in constant heavy stress from stuff like chronic pain. most disabled people i know have a somewhat regular emotional break down from the trauma of it all. and we are expected to just smile through it by society, to not be in the way, to not be an issue.

[slutforsnow]

Skin Don't Matter To Me

Quick a/n before the fic gets started; I am SO SO SORRY to those who were upset/uncomfortable/angry that I made the original billy x black!reader a former slave!reader. I didn't think. I shouldn't have been up at 1am writing. It was horrid and a terrible decision on my end. Forgive me or not, is entirely up to you. Ty to the anons who called me out for it and made me realize it was wrong to do that, biracial or not. I hope you can forgive me 🫂

Tw/CW: insecurities, anxiety, racism is brought up (not comments, just behavior).

Summary: Reader gets insecure about her relationship with Billy after seeing some girls flirt with him.

It was a chill Saturday evening in the saloon as patrons drank, played poker, and chatted absent-mindly. It was an easy night, for sure, aside from a few drunken snide comments made towards reader, but she shrugged them off. After all, she wasn't getting paid to fight the customers.

As she hummed and wiped down the bar, which was currently empty, she stopped midway to wipe some sweat off her face—reader loves her afro, and has no problems pulling it back so she didn't sweat to death while she worked, but some nights it was just too hot and having so many people out and about the saloon was making it harder to deal with.

Her dark skin shone in sweat as she worked but didn't complain. She had to make a livin' somehow, and she wasn't gonna do that by moanin' and groanin'.

As she resumed her work, she flashed a smile towards her boyfriend as he played poker. He was in his favorite seat, watching her work as he placed his bets and ignored the other girls hitting on him and trying to get his attention. He was technically working as well—he and his boys were security for the saloon because some of the customers were still quite horrid to the folks of color who worked, especially the women. They'd try to threaten y/n but were often silenced or kicked out by Billy and his men.

Y/n and Billy had been dating for 2 years, despite the ups and downs of him being a cowboy and the racism she'd face for being a black woman.

As she worked, still humming, she caught sight of some white girls being all touchy and whispering things in his ear. She bit her tongue as to not cause a scene and focused on continuing to grab glasses and wipe down tables.

'He'd never leave me. He's said that,' She thought to herself as a reminder that Billy would never leave her for some white girl. She was his, and he was hers. Yet, despite the constant love and affection he would give her, she still got that nagging fear that he would leave her.

A few hours later, Y/n's shift had ended and the couple were headed back home to the ranch that they bought with their savings over the course of their relationship. Y/n was silent the whole way home, which made Billy worry that he did something wrong.

"Darlin' did I do somethin' wrong?" He asked, setting his hat on a hook by the door as he shut the door behind him.

A lump formed in her throat and she sighed, knowing he'd keep asking if she said nothing.

"It wasn't you, Billy it... it's just my fears," She answered, trying to dismiss her fears.

"Well, what's wrong? It won't go away unless you talk to me."

Damn his smooth and relaxing tone- she didn't want to talk about it, afraid it would turn into an argument about his loyalties but he was so understanding that she knew she she couldn't hide it from him.

"Those... those damn whores that keep touchin' on you like you're not taken," She told him, sighing. "I know it's probably stupid or somethin-"

"Oh thank the Lord, I was hoping you'd bring this up," He breathed out, letting out a relaxed laugh and earning a perplexed look from y/n.

"...What?"

"I've been wanting to tell you about that. I never wanted to stress you out, but I hate, and I mean absolutely fuckin' hate when they do that. It gets so annoyin', I tell them I'm taken and to back off, but do they listen? No." As Billy continued to ramble about how he hated the other women touching and talking to him like he wasn't a taken man, she smiled.

He was so vocal about how much he hated it when they touched and flirted with him that it eased her worried soul and she hugged him tightly.

Fucking hell, she loves this man so much.

[chillyneon]

I like that the ficto and selfship community has only continued to grow since ye olde days of internet.

I remember that fictosexual wasn't even a major term, so there wasn't much of a way to look for others. Hell I remember getting dogpiled a couple times for using the term because people assumed it was attention seeking. So I couldn't use the term and find any actual results for many years.

We all just kinda stood around thinking we were the only people like this, and maybe there's something severely wrong because no one else feels this way. Hell, even when asking my therapists they thought self shipping sounded like a wonderful thing for me and coping with trauma or stress. So being unable to find others like me was so frustrating because I just wanted to know I wasn't fuckin alone in my passion for fiction.

That was like, 20 years ago, the Internet has exploded since then. And now look, the community has grown so much, selfshipping is more common enough we can actually find content on a tag filled to the brim. We can fucking TALK about self shipping and being ficto and attracted to fictional characters. Hell, just able to say I'm fictosexual feels nicer than it did years back. Is everything perfect for us? No, people can still be douches and say mean things, but we have far more folks doing their best to spread the fun things about being ficto and self shipping.

It makes me smile that I can type in ficto or selfship and be witness to the gorgeous menagerie of people loving their F/Os or folks saying their fav things about self shipping. To see people going feral over their loves and gushing about every detail. Seeing folks finding themselves and exploring their ficto feelings, seeing people create things because they love their F/Os so goddamn much. It just makes me happy to see it. Things aren't perfect, but I'm glad we're all able to find that we're not alone.

You're not alone or weird for loving fictional characters, there's plenty more of us out there and you don't have to stop when you get older. It's not just a phase for many, it's how we are and how we love and you don't have to grow out of it. I'm in my goddamn 30s and the only thing that's changed about my selfshipping is I got even more F/Os to love from the past few decades.

It's just nice to be ficto knowing others are also out their loving and selfshipping with fictional favs. <333333

[orcboxer]

How the hell do people have the energy to work out when they've got a job

Granted I'm looking into getting treatment for adhd but it still baffles me that people can consistently come home from work and not just melt into the couch

Not insulting you, wish I could do it just whenever I see big sports folk I think about how it seems like a fuckin superpower to me

I'm gonna say some shit that fitness bros are probably gonna hate.

It is often very difficult for me to work out when I have a 40+ hour job, but it helps a lot that I enjoy it. I can lift and push and punch and not have to think about anything for like an hour, and afterward I feel nigh euphoric and big greasy food tastes ten times as delicious. The muscle soreness also feels great. Turns out not everybody loves all those feelings, so I figure that's one contributing factor, like why do shit if you don't enjoy it right?

The other factor, and I'll be honest this is the most important one, is stress. The more stressful your life is, the harder it is to work out. Poverty is horrible for your health. If I got too much to worry about, I ain't gon have the energy to hit the gym. And unfortunately, capitalism is constantly trying to kill us, and that has a genuine physical impact on your body. Not a small one either, I'm talkin major impact on your health.

I have to remind myself frequently not to beat myself up over not working out as much as I want to, because despite what (richer-than-me) gymbros say, having a consistent exercise regimen is a luxury that most people can't afford. It's a trade-off every time, and when you're poor, the only things you have that you can trade are other necessities. You absolutely need time to rest, that is non-negotiable, you need time to socialize, you need time to goof around.

Legitimately don't be hard on yourself over it. You will find time eventually. Take the opportunities that present themselves and don't overwork yourself, because holy hell, I wish I had known earlier in life how dangerous that is.

[archivallyfound09]

Stars & Stripes pt.1

Summary: Jake meets a new girl on base and pursues her, not realizing that she may be exactly what he needed all along.

Pairing: Jake "Hangman" Seresin x reader (no y/n, afab) Warnings: Everything is mature folks, swearing, drinking, adult-y stuff- the usual rules for my stuff :)

A/N: A LONG hiatus for me. Missed you folks- let's see if I still have the talent and if you're still interested in the topic!-M

"All these base housing units are the same..." Coyote yawned and crossed his arms across his chest, clearly annoyed. He was met with numerous nods in agreement as well as a few yawns. Bob looked down at his watch: 2:21. He sighed, catching Rooster's attention. Bob held up his wrist and Rooster rolled his eyes to the back of his head.

"I am too old for this shit, gang..." Phoenix muffled a snort and stretched her arms above her head. She was grateful that at least it had stopped raining when the fire alarm had gone off for the third time this week- new construction on base seemed to consistently set off the alarms and, while they had heard others on base complaining, this was the first time the dagger crew had been "home" when it happened.

"Alright, enough of this bullshit- I'm going back in," Hangman started stalking back towards the building, alarms still blaring and folks still exiting out. "It's like fuckin' college dorms. Just let me go back to bed."

"Jesus, Hangman, had no idea you were such a sleeping beauty-" Phoenix had barely gotten the comment out when Rooster cut her off.

"-Except you totally can. Fuckin' diva!" The laughter behind him forces Hangman to turn around while still striding towards the building. It was at that point that he felt something crash into his chest. His head whipped around, ready to bark at whatever idiot had crashed into him.

What he was not anticipating was the small body crumpled in front of him, blue and white striped pajamas and messy bedhead frantically moving, trying to stand up and stammer out an apology. Before he realized it, Jake had caught her hand and helped steady her.

"You okay, darlin'?" he couldn't help the drawl (though, when confronted about it later, he blamed the lack of sleep). Slowly, the biggest doe-eyes appeared out from under the tussled hair, looking on the brink of tears.

"Oh m-my god, I'm SO sorry," she was able to get out, trying to side-step away from the pilot in front of her, but failing due to her had still being trapped in his. He chuckled.

"No harm, sweetheart. You okay?" She nodded quickly, clearly not completely awake and still very stressed from the alarms. He started to walk her away from the blaring annoyance. "It's the construction," he tried to calm her down, "they've apparently been setting off the fire system a lot over here." He shrugged and offered her a polite half-smile.

She took a breath, grateful to be a little ways away from the incessant noise. "Yeah, they've been really bad. This is like number six or seven this week. I hate that we all have to leave and wait for an all clear...." she took another shaky breath and Jake dropped her hand. She looked down at the sudden loss of heat but quickly looked over towards the groups waiting outside.

"So...Air Force?" she asked, not looking at the man next to her. She smirked at the immediate scoff she earned.

"Clearly not. Navy."

She let out a small "ah" still not looking at him. He smirked, enjoying her coyness now that she was a bit more awake in the early hours of the day.

"But a pilot." she stated, continuing her thought. He nodded.

"Clearly."

She looked at him to the side through her lashes with a muttered "mhmm."

"What about you? Please tell me you're not military..." he ventured, knowing obviously she would be if she was in base housing. He waited for the jab back, but it never came.

"Staying with a friend. Promise you won't tattle on this little freeloader?" Jake smiled and nodded "never" he thought, the words never leaving his lips. She nodded back.

"YO, LOVERBOY, BEDTIME!" Fanboy's voice echoed like a yodel in a cavern. Jake rolled his eyes and looked back at the woman next to him.

"Sorry, early assignment tomorr-today," she nodded and started following him back towards this building. "I'm Jake, by the way."

She paused, "Not Loverboy?" she joked, earning a slightly tired laugh from the airman.

"Sorry sweetheart. Callsign is Hangman, but Jake works just fine too."

She reached her door on the first floor, hand on the cool metal of the door knob. "Alright, well, goodnight Hangman, nice to meet you." She was in behind the door before Jake had a chance to ask her name, but, he figured, he knew where she lived, so he was sure to run into her again...even though he hadn't seen her on base since they had-

"HANGMAN. Jesus Christ, man! Get IN here!" Coyote was over Hangman's antics- and no one, especially not Jake Seresin, messed with his sleep schedule. Jake quickly climbed the stairs, two at a time and followed in behind his roommate for the next few weeks.

"Sorry man, just had to-"

"Whatever, prince douchebag, go to bed."

------

Jake had barely gotten any sleep, but it hadn't seemed to bother him much as he made his way onto the base for assignments. He was hoping Maverick would put him in the sky, but after a less than stellar performance the week prior with Bob and Phoenix, he figured he'd get bumped for Rooster. For the first time since the team had been assembled- the thought didn't bother him.

In fact, nothing that morning could bother Hangman.

And, frankly, it was freaking Coyote the fuck out. Hangman was like happy and he was NOT a happy kind of guy. Coyote kept staring at Jake as he drove himself and Fanboy to base. Fanboy wouldn't shut up about some new aircraft that he was hoping to work on soon, but Hangman was staring off into the sunrise barely listening. And, apparently, barely looking- he had almost missed the turn into the lot for the airfield.

Then Coyote spotted her- the woman from last night was out for a run. SHE was the reason he almost died in a single car crash on a Monday morning with less than his required 6 hours of sleep. She had ditched the pajamas (they were quite the stark difference even in the dark with everyone else in navy blues and forest green), but her hair was just as messy as last night.

Hangman rolled down the window and slowed down, "Heya stripes," he called, his drawl sickly sweet causing Fanboy to gag. "You lost?"

She smiled and pointed to her headphones and kept running in the opposite direction. Hangman gave her a two-fingered salute and continued to the lot. Coyote was the first out of the car with a loud door slam.

"Dude, you've got to be kidding me-focus on your shit okay?" The words barely registered in Jake's ears as he strode towards the hanger.

"Whatever man, just trying to be polite," he smirked, clearly trying to be more than just that.

---------------------------------

PART TWO

For updates: Please turn on notifications for my posts! You all are so lovely, but taglists crash my chapters every time :/

[traegorn]

Whenever I’m feeling stressed about the political state of the US, I actually go out of my way to come here. It’s just incredibly reassuring to see levelheaded and pragmatic perspectives on things coming from someone I can trust to actually know how things work in the political machine.

Even when it’s a disagreement with the exact kind of person who caused me to feel stressed in the first place, the way you tackle it and explain things brings me a little bit of peace and makes things feel a little less insurmountable.

Thank you for sharing your knowledge (and a little bit of your peace, I know dealing with that shit so often is exhausting)

I try to look at politics pragmatically and without ego.

It's funny, I know sometimes I respond to these folks a little dickishly, but I always try to provide evidence -- and they never respond to it. They always come in hot -- and it's like, I don't go seeking them out. They come to me. They see someone promoting voting and take it as a personal attack and start out hostile.

I genuinely don't think anyone rational does that.

And we need rationality more than anything else right now.

Also thanks for stopping by so I can subject you to how I'm convinced that Dal on Star Trek Prodigy is secretly a Lizard Baby.

So Dal R'El apparently grew up in the Delta Quadrant, and they want us to believe that Dal is a human augment. We know he spent time with the Ferengi DaiMon Nandi, but we don't know exactly when he met her or where.

When Dal gets scanned by the Federation, we know that the Federation database says he's a human augment, and that his base DNA is human mixed with a whole lot of other species. But we've seen augments before, and none of them look like Dal. We don't know what supposed lab he was cooked up in.

So this is what I think happened.

Threshold takes place about eleven years before Prodigy, and while Dal appears to be like 17, we don't know for sure how old he is. I think Dal was one of the Lizard Babies left behind by Voyager. We don't know how long it takes for them to mature, or if they have other life stages. The only adults we see are Janeway and Paris, and they were only hyper-evolved humans for like a day.

Dal somehow got taken from the planet by Nandi, and grew up into the version we get to know in Prodigy.

I think Janeway was worried that one day her offspring would be found, so she took the hyper evolved DNA samples the Doctor likely kept, and faked records in the Federation Database to make them come back as Augmented Human to cover up that she technically left a bunch of baby humans on a planet in the Delta quadrant.

That's why Janeway is so protective of Dal when she meets him. She knows he's her kid. It's also why Dal's personality is a perfect balance between Janeway and Tom Paris. He is their hyper-evolved ideal.

Dal's a fuckin' Lizard Baby, I swear to god.

[post-maester]

I'm stuck in a bit of a pickle at the moment. I've been a little kinda sorta completely fucking gutted by the election results. I feel so utterly saddened for 2SLGBTQIA+ people, BIPOC, women, people with disabilities who now have to live beneath that man's shadow.

Among the sadness is an ache.

An ache to do something. An ache to take action of some kind. I have no idea what kind yet, but I can't stop thinking about it. I am brewing. Do I mean to create something? I don't know yet. I'll figure it out. But I mean to do something.

Community.

I've been reading lately. A book called "How To Think Like A Woman," by Regan Penaluna. The book tells the author's personal memoir, as well as the stories of 4 Early-Modern philosophers (who were women). I'm not a particularly smart person, sometimes I needed to read a paragraph or even a passage multiple times to really 'get it,' but some things stuck with me.

These philosophers were steadfast in their beliefs that women were deserving of education, asylum from abusive husbands, that they shouldn't need to hide their sexuality, that they should be allowed to pursue their intellectual desires just as a man could. But in these demands they each were specific. These freedoms were not meant to enable selfishness in women, as they often did in men. They believed that these freedoms, for all people, also came with the duty to better one's community - to give back. That embracing the people, valuing the people, fostering each individual, would further the community.

This point of community is where I've been stuck all day long. We all need community right now. We need shoulders to cry on, we need friends to laugh with, we need wise folk to tell us what the fuck to do now.

I don't know what I'm going to do - or make - but community needs to be a central theme.

Queerness & Transness.

I also feel like I've created nothing inherently queer. I've abandoned writing for some years now, my projects are old. Older than my realizations about identity. Older than my epiphanies about transness. I want to do something fuckin' gay as hell. I want to pour energy into something that may in some small way counterbalance the hate being screamed into the universe, infecting the pretty space-dust that I wanted to use to highlight my blush. I want to create something that whispers with a forked tongue: "Fuck. You."

Fact or Fiction.

Will it be fact or fiction? Do I want to search for beautiful, real stories to tell and help spread them? Or do I want to create something entirely new? I'm not a documentary producer, but should I be? My heart is in crafting stories, but maybe it's time to set that aside for a while in order to spread true stories that inspire good and justice. Maybe I'd better stick to what I know and make something up.

Abilities // Restrictions.

I am one person. Alone I can write, but that is difficult without an idea. I have the tinder and plenty of firewood, but I need a fucking spark. Once I have the spark I can do more.

I'm a filmmaker, I produce and edit. That's what I enjoy doing best. Not shit I can do without the idea. So for now those sit on the backburner.

I also have a(n admittedly small) rolodex of lovely queer individuals who may also feel a little distraught at the moment. Might be time to meet with them to discuss working on... something?

Budget is zero. Don't know what the project is so right now necessary funds are also zero, which is great. But nobody's getting paid for whatever the fuck comes of this, unless I can be smart.

Ending For Now.

This is all I can bear to write and word-vomit for now. I have been so full of energy and stress thinking about this all day long. I needed to get my thoughts out. If you feel the same ache I do, if there's any way I can help you make your "Fuck. You." project, or if you want to contribute to mine, please DM me and I'll be so happy to discuss and talk.

Please be safe, please be there for your fellow human beings, please be good to each other.

[reallyromealone]

9 n 22 with smiley where reader is a merman(mermaid??) but got lost from his family after he chased away a predator and accidentally ended up on the coast of a beach. smiley loves the beach so he sneaks out almost every night and this night he finds reader. they become friends after their first meeting and smiley goes back to the beach every night from there

possibly becoming lovers?

Prompts

22: mermaids

9: sneaking out on a summer night

I got a little carried away lol

Event

Masterlist

(name) shook as he looked around at his surroundings, he couldn't figure out where he was in the slightest as he called for his family to no response, he had just escaped a shark mer and was disoriented.

Poking his head above water he realized he had no clue where he was, he was by land? He wasn't by land before.

The sun was setting as he looked at the people walking through the town behind the safety of a rock, he never really seen Humans before so he was very curious. Slowly the town died down and seemingly everyone went to their boxes-- (name) wasn't sure what they were called-- and the mer decided to get a closer look, going to the shore and resting on some rocks closer as he took in the lights along the rock paths.

(Name) noticed a young man on one of the wooden docks and smelt the air, whatever he had smelt really good.

(Name) quietly swam over and poked his head up, curious at the man with pink hair and the good smelling food, seeing one half of his food sitting beside him and sneakily reaching for the food and grabbing it quickly before hiding under the dock.

Work was stressful for Nahoya, the man rarely got time for himself and when the moon was high he liked to sit on the dock and eat food in silence.

Not have his food stolen by something.

"What the shit..." He grumbled before looking under the dock to see a scared man who was pretty handsome all things considered "oi! Why ya stealin' my shit!" He barked and noticed how frightened he was "shit... Come here I won't hurt ya"

(Name tentatively swam over and Nahoya moved so he could hop up and sit beside him, his massive tail stretched out "fuck you're a mermaid.." Nahoya said shocked and (name) tilted his head as he held the soggy sandwich "fuck that's gross... Here I have an extra" Nahoya said handing him a not soggy sandwich and (name) looked at it curiously before biting it and making a Trilling sound of joy "pretty fucking good right? Aren't mermaids usually out in deeper waters?"

(Name) looked a little confused at his words and Nahoya realized he probably only spoke the mer language, that didn't stop him from talking through.

The next day Nahoya went to the library, looking for books on mer folk "you guys got like a fuckin mermaid to English dictionary?"

"We have a few yes" the librarian said pulling out a few copies "Ill buy one off ya"

That night Nahoya came back with two servings of food and (name) poked his head out "ok let's see..." Nahoya grumbled with the book and began speaking in very broken mer "hello... I am Nahoya" his accent making the words sound funny but (name) clearly perked up "Nahoya" he said back and smiled "(name)" he said pointing to himself.

"Now where getting somewhere" Nahoya grinned and (name) looked fascinated by the human, happy to interact with someone, the two spoke the entire night till Nahoya had to go to bed, (name) looking sad but nodding.

This became their nightly routine, the two talking away and both slowly learning their languages and (name) growing very attached to his human.

(Name) began giving Nahoya gifts, shiny things and fish.

This confused the man who didn't know what to do "what's this for?"

"Mate" (name) said simply as he pointed to the elder twin who opened his eyes in shock "I'm your...mate?"

"Yesss"

"Alright then" the following day Nahoya learned what that meant and it was basically being married for merfolk, they didn't have boyfriends or girlfriends or dating, it was mating for life.

And Nahoya was glad he felt the same.

"I found this at the market, apparently its that mer jewelry.." (name) recogized it, his people made special necklaces and such so they could walk on land, thankfully he was sitting on the dock as he put it on, butt naked as he touched his legs "huuuman" he grinned and looked at Nahoya "we stay?"

"Now ya can join me past the dock" Nahoya joked and (name) looked excited and tried to stand only to fall, thankfully caught by Nahoya "we better get you clothes..." He said taking off his jacket and covering (name).

This relationship would strengthen relationships between humans and merfolk when (name)s tribe eventually found him again and set up in the coast.

[thetentaclecommander]

Commit to the bit.

Life is too fuckin short. And then we die and rot. You got *this* nonsense story idea? With *those* characters? In *that* fandom? That you want to see meet/befriend/fight/debate/fuck/have tea/x *with each other*?? Then do it. And commit. Full on own your idea, cause this fanfic shit is for fun. Shits and giggles. Nothing more, nothing less. Not even to save a pony or topple a dictatorship*. Don't hold back your commitment to this idea because somebody will get mad or will assume the worst of you (they will anyway; assumptive people don't deserve your time). Or your writing skill isn't 'good' - try! I promise in this journey you will over time find that becomes less of an issue. Hell, I'm not the Bard but I'm way better than I was an eternity ago; it's hard typing with tentacles, ok. Or people just won't like it. Spoiler: nothing is universally liked or loved and that's okay. Write it anyway. Like that movie with the cornfield: 'if you build it they will come.' Your people will show up, it just takes time. You are allowed to say 'That's my story and I wrote it exactly as I wanted it.' No debating**, no it has x and this or that blah blah bad blah - nah. It's your story. Folks can go find something else and complain somewhere else, they know how to work a computer. And for all that is holy don't sanitize, nor compromise your vision- I've seen it out in the wild and it kills me whenever authors cave to the pressure when a thing is seen as awful, <insert silly religious scary wording here> and needs changing by an audience that sees your work as a thing to consume seasoned to their tastes and not to enjoy what is freely given by a fan fandoming it up. You will only feel boxed in and resentful so...don't :) Laugh at them and do it MORE. In fact, stand 100% by your work. Hype up that shit! Where is the hype like you did that! You did this crazy thing in your own free time probably stressed af and yet made this story. You made it from your own brain put into text form for others to enjoy. That is so fuckin' cool. Like legit you basically wrote a book so congrats, you legend. Revel in it. But above all else Commit. To. The. Bit. *you could make a fic out of that 'saving a pony dictatorship' idea I suppose, FiM would love you **now, if you ask for actual advice (and not unsolicited crit), take what works and toss what doesn't but don't get mad at crit you directly asked for!

[spinecurlingmice]

hey mice ^_^; no pressure to answer this or anything, just want you to know that i love you. i was hoping to think of smth like . comforting and cheerful to say but tbh shit's just kinda scary rn.

gonna get a little real bc i'm kinda brainweird atm (as i imagine many folks are)-- i nearly died this year right? got real sick, lost a lot of blood, etc etc. thankfully i got diagnosed in only a few months which like never happens with autoimmune but it still upheaved my life in a lot of ways. you were one of the people who offered me support when i was feeling the worst i'd ever felt. i was scared and in pain and so angry that i had to go through that, but seeing kind messages from you and the others on this website really really helped me get through it, even if i only knew you as an anon at the time. your well wishes helped me feel strong enough to keep moving forward when everything felt like hell.

and now things are hellish again, albiet in a much different way. it's fuckin scary, and i'm not gonna say "it's all gonna be okay." i hate platitudes like that. it's probably gonna suck, a lot. but, idk. i've been through shit that sucks a lot, and i lived. i imagine you have too. and i mean... disabled queer/trans folk solidarity our governments have wanted us dead for a while now lmao. anywho

i don't have like a point to this ask or anything. maybe anticipate more highposting from me in the next couple weeks bc i imagine i will be stressed tf out, idk. anyways. i'm here for you, i care about you even if we haven't technically known each other long idgaf our souls are cut from the same cloth methinks. shit fucking sucks but we keep moving forward right. i dunno. i just refuse to die here yanno.

anyways. like i said, you don't gotta answer this. hope this was somehow comforting, if it made anything feel worse i'm sorry. love you, stay safe <33

ahhhmarss thank u <3 this made me a little emotional eek.. im glad i was able 2 help u thru those times srsly but like im horrible at words at the moment but i was (and like still am) glad u got recovery and stuff ^o^ i was rlly happy 2 see u alright even tho at the time we only talked via me going "i think komahina should fuck" and u nodding nodding . i can only really imagine how scary everythign was then from my own experiences so . fist to fist . wahts the image . you know the one . i Hope....

but yess true true. i care about u too and i wanna be there 4 u 2 ^o^ but yes fair . i'll pick myself up and put it in a batch of cookies and eat them and hope the world doesnt catch on fire for much longer. thankk uu this was comforting thank u . ily2 and hope uure doing well <3

[projectyayhem]

Streaming Hiatus Announcement Update (06/15/2024)

Hey folks! Been really busy lately with a lot of stuff, and with that comes stress, and with stress comes a bad time to stream, so I'm gonna be taking a little break from streaming. Should be back in a couple weeks, but in the meantime, episodes will be going up regularly still! Like these ones!

Everyone loves bees! Or at least, they better. They ought to. Bees are great!

Yoshi's Story was a really fuckin' good game, right? I played the hell out of that. Anyway this episode vaguely reminded me of that game, which was great

I was gonna make a joke about someone looking vaguely like a bandit and that gives you free reign to kill them, then I realized that just makes me sound like a cop. Oh god what is this game doing to me

[painfullymeta]

In my feels again, tumblr

Back in 2017 or so I wrote a story about anxiety. It was absolutely rooted in the political environment of the moment; it was absolutely rooted in the particular stresses of the moment for someone who passes for cishet and is not. It's about a closeted, neurodivergent (unspecified but he has enough echolalia to be a PITA to write) trans man who is being increasingly hemmed in by the misogynistic component of creeping fascism and is forced to choose whether or not he becomes himself or lets the world win.*

The world is full of choices, and they don't actually get less scary when the moment passes, because gods know those moments are still out there waiting for their chance (if life were made of moments, even now and then a bad one— but if life were only moments, then you'd never know you had one**) and I'm just me. (Am I not hot when I'm in my feelings?***)

Sunday I had a chance to talk with the trans kid who was a big chunk of inspiring my last big in my feels tumblr post and tell him his speech meant a lot to me, as someone who doesn't know what the fuck I am. And to tell him my Tradition has a canonically transmasc god, because it does, and even if he isn't pagan anymore, he's someone it's safe to say that to.

The teens give me life, yo. (Nonbinary kid at the coaster park stabbing into their ice cream cup with a spoon and yelling at their jimmies, "I CAME OUT, WHY WON'T YOU" will live rent-free in my brain forever. In the good way. In the best way.) One of my kids made me a nonbinary flag friendship bracelet. I love everyone in this bar never mind that none of y'all are old enough to drink there.

I spend a lot of pointless brain cycles worrying about how much of my life I'll blow up if I make more of a point of anything. Though at least being at "now accepting all major pronouns and thon" about it makes the casual human interaction a little less fraught. But I loop back around and through the petty anxiety about it all the time.

Anyway. That is all setup for the bit I am actually in my feels about.

I happened to glance at Discord and saw activity in a server for a meatspace social group. So I went to see what it was.

What it was, was a friend who is, as far as I know, cishet, posting this:

Which I suspect he did because a) it's June and b) one of the other folks there has Star Wars as a special interest.

I peered at it, and I peered at my anxiety, and I replied to say that in related content, one of my kids made me an enby-flag friendship bracelet.

Within less than a minute, that comment of mine had a thumbs up react from a cis gay friend who hadn't even been logged in at the time I said it and I am fuckin' verklempt ever since.

It's such a tiny thing, but I have such anxiety about my whole deal in my meatspace life y'all and here's this quiet in-person-person in-community support and it means the world to me and...

... anyway I flapped my hands incoherently at him in DMs because it fuckn mattered. (And I know he can parse "I am too autistic to words usefully here".)

Never underestimate the power of a well-placed thumbs up emoji.

We are more than we're made to be We got more than meets the eye When we stand strong, together you and me We can save the world ****

* "The Company Store" was published in Recognize Fascism, an anthology edited by Crystal M. Huff and released by World Weaver Press in 2020.

** Yeah I'm putting in the echolalia because I talked about Rory's origin story it's just gonna happen that way and also I am deep in Alexithymia Bros right now so I'm talking around my feels. That's from Into the Woods, by the way, "Moments in the Woods", by Sondheim and Lapine.

*** "I'm Just Ken", the Barbie Movie

**** "We Can Save the World", Blaseball: The Musical (The Deaths of Sebastian Telephone)

[fereldanwench]

How does your V feel about River. I just did a playthrough where my own V was crushing after someone else (Takemura) and that whole scene with the kids wanting her and River to get together made both me and my V wanna curl up in a ball and die from how awkward it was. Just curious as to your own feelings on River.

Ahhhhh, so I was writing a very long answer, and then Tumblr just wiped it on me. 😭 Thanks, Tumblr.

ANYWAY, River's romance wasn't for me or Valerie. 😅

I'm gonna put the rest under a cut in case anyone wants to avoid River critical opinions, and I really want to stress that this is just my preference. I'm not trying to convince anyone not to like their boy--I actually liked River outside of his romance, and I genuinely enjoy other folks' River ships. I also think a lot of my issues with the romance can be chalked up to neglect from the devs. But playing through it was nevertheless a minefield of squicks for me.

From Valerie's perspective, she basically saw River as a decent, principled guy while they were working together on the Rhyne/Peralez investigation, but thought their relationship, working or otherwise, would be concluded when they wrapped that up. She admires that he wants to stick to his convictions and go to IA with the corruption, but she is a much more cynical person when it comes to the powers that be, and he doesn't respond overly fondly when she says such.

So Valerie is very surprised when he reaches out for help with Randy, and she assumes it's totally out of desperation rather than any interest in her personally. Johnny, of course, picks up on it, which she sort of brushes off, but when River starts saying things like "I'll tell you about it over a beer sometime," she does get the sense that maybe he's interested in more than just her professional help.

By this point, though, Valerie is smitten with Goro. She's denying it to herself, and trying to keep her focus on the Relic and fixing her terminal condition (which River doesn't even know about), but either way: she has no interest in pursuing anything romantic or sexual with River.

She does help River with Randy, because despite any awkwardness she feels around River, she's not gonna let a kid potentially die because of it. But again, when they part ways, Valerie thinks that's that. So when he calls later, telling her that he misses her and inviting her to family dinners, Valerie is immediately like hey, buddy, don't do this.

I think the most in-character thing for her would be to not go to the dinner and just wish him well on the phone call, but since the game won't let you close out the quest without making an appearance, I made her suffer through the world's most awkward family meet-n-greet.

Valerie doesn't dislike kids, but she's not overly keen on them either, particularly those who aren't related to her, so playing with them and a man she's trying to let down gently is incredibly uncomfortable. She also doesn't particularly appreciate the way Joss probes into her family life or plans for a family life, and when the kids do the "raise your hand if you think River and V would be a good couple," Valerie has pretty much fuckin' had it.

And then, when they're chatting up on the water tank, Valerie is frustrated that River implies she's been stringing him along when she's tried as nicely as possible to tell him she's not interested. She's also sober and the daughter of an addict who lost her life to drugs and alcohol, so she does not find his "I can be awfully charming when drunk" comment endearing at all.

So, after all is said and done, Valerie doesn't really want anything to do with River anymore. She might be willing to help him professionally again, and she's still friendly with him, but she doesn't think of him as a friend.

As for my personal opinion on the romance, I think it was just incredibly underdeveloped (especially compared to the ladies), and that lack of development paired with the fact that he's the only male romance option available to female Vs ends up having a lot of frustrating and troubling implications.

It does kind of feel like CDPR made a very bold assumption that what women who are attracted to men want in a relationship is something that is heavily centered around family and children. As a woman who does not like that in real life or fiction and often has to defend my own child-free relationship, I found that very off-putting. And this isn't to say that it shouldn't exist at all--I fully support anyone who does enjoy this take on a romance, and I'm glad they got to have something they enjoyed--I just really wish it wasn't the only option.

I also don't like that there's no way to reject him without subjecting yourself to the awkward family dinner. It makes him feel very pushy if you're not into him, which I feel probably isn't the intent. I'm sure some folks would take the stance that it's more realistic, but I'm okay with forgoing a little realism if it means I don't have to have the uncomfortably immersive experience of telling a man I'm not into him while we're sitting atop a water tower and he's getting drunk. 😬😬😬

I also really disliked both his and V's responses if you chose the "ever feel lonely?" prompt, which I talked about here.

But the Peralez/Rhyne mission with him is actually one of my favorites in the game, and if his story had stayed more in that route, like fighting the corruption in the NCPD, I probably would have enjoyed him overall a lot more.

And if I remember correctly, Goro's creation also ended up affecting how River was utilized in the story--I think he was supposed to have a bigger role in some of the corporate happenings, but the writers realized they wanted someone deep inside Arasaka instead, hence Goro. Well, first it was going to be a more villainess lady character, and then it became Goro because they wanted to humanize Arasaka more.

So yeah. Those are my complicated thoughts on River. I mean, from the in-character perspective, it's pretty straightforward, but my own opinions on him are kind of ambivalent.

[kckenobi]

thanks for the tag @katierosefun !!!! 💗

do you make your bed? hardly EVER, but in my defense, I pretty much am only in my bedroom when I'm going to sleep or am talking on the phone

what's your favorite number? It's been 8 since I was a kid and my mom said it was her favorite number ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

what is your job? teacher!

if you could go back to school, would you? I'm finishing my masters in a couple of weeks, and unfortunately I really haven't enjoyed it — but that's not because I don't like learning and school, more just a product of the actual institution and the fact that doing night classes half-time with a full-time job is fuckin hard!!! so I wouldn't rule out going back to school, especially because someday I think I'd like to train future teachers and that often involves a PhD, so we'll see :)

can you parallel park? YES and that's honestly my greatest flex.

a job you had that would surprise people? I don't think i have any super surprising past jobs.....i sing in weddings on the side? And funerals?

do you think aliens are real? Totally, it's statistically SO unlikely that the conditions for life as we know it occurred only once

can you drive a manual car? Okay listen,,,,LISTEN,,,.,,,I HAVE driven a manual car. I CAN. However,,,,,it was horrific. My grandfather taught me bc he had a manual and thought everyone should know how to use a stick shift, and I was like haha!!! How hard can it be!!! I love learning new things!!! WRONG it was SO HARD the car stalled CONSTANTLY bc I couldn't time the clutch/gas change properly, literally hyperventilated when I had to (gasp) STOP AT A RED LIGHT on a HILL bc oh god what if it starts going backward and I can't stop WHAT IF— so yeah, honestly I wish I liked it bc it did feel kind of cool, like flying a space ship bc you as the driver have so much more control than with an automatic transmission. But sadly, I did not cross the bridge from stressful to enjoyable lol

what's your guilty pleasure? I try not to feel guilt about the things I enjoy, but maybe it's how much sugar I like in my tea and coffee?

tattoos? sadly I have a weird thing about symmetry (and also making permanent decisions LOL) that I think will probably prevent me from getting one, but I do like the thought

favorite color? probably green!

favorite type of music? folk!!! We love some acoustic guitar and cutting lyrics

do you like puzzles? It seems so contrary to my personality but I actually hate puzzles. They take too long and for no reward bc then you just have to put it all away lol

any phobias? I am claustrophobic, though I've gotten so much better than I used to be!!! Ur girl can ride elevators and be totally calm unless they make weird sounds or there's too many people on them, which is fabulous woooooOoOoOo!!! Also randomly, this is a new one, needles?

favorite childhood sport? I was not a sports person, but baseball

do you talk to yourself? I have an hour commute to work, so the 2 hours I spend alone in the car daily are RIPE with out-loud conversations I have with myself

what movie(s) do you adore? Finch made me SOB, in the best way, and it's still one of my favorites even though I haven't seen it since the first time 3 years ago. Just—at the end of the world there are still butterflies. And to keep going, to be human, is to just love someone more than yourself. TEARS

coffee or tea? I hate that now my answer is generally COFFEE, who am I, i identified as a tea drinker for so long

first thing you wanted to be growing up? an astronaut (but alas, see claustrophobia), and a singing veterinarian (maybe I thought I'd sing the animals back to health, who knows?)

no-pressure tags: @lightasthesun @giggles-and-freckles @pandora15 @siarrawrites @ahsokryze @skywalker-tano-kenobi

[hydrangeyes]

Rambles as I finally watch ep 5 and 6

I FINALLY FOUND A SITE

Ep 5:

I adore when Alastor is just being the opposite of what a lot of us expected, it's legit funny to me. (reminds me of the livestreams)

OOOOOOOOO so like was someone telling Luci Charlie didn't want to see him and vice versa for Charlie cause this reeks miscommunication?

Oh. Oh no husky.....

curious about who has Alastor on a leash but tbh it has to be someone high up. I don't think it would be Lilith but I can see how if Charlie branched off to be her own person and then started the hotel publicly how she would one the strongest but not directly connected sinner to look after Charlie. (OOOO especially if Lilith knew about vaggie and didn't trust her.)

I've seen folks talk about Eve, cause yeah where are they in all this but I can't see why Eve would want anything to do with the hotel unless to use it to drag Adam down or rise back up to heaven- oooooooooooo

Still unsure why use Alastor for that but eh....

Is eve even in hell??? I'm trying to think back in the bible if she does or not (Not that I'm sticking to the stores there for an exact reference but eh wouldn't hurt)

I don't think Charlie yet understands there's more to being a "good" person than opening up and positivity. Especially if it landed you in hell? tho yeah there are some who can be hopeful, i would think they would travel to stay in the hotel if that were the case (but then again they would have to see proof that it's possible)

Luci boi has a point but i also think his unease/fear of heaven dampening things, that and his general distaste for humans clearly

hell yeah go off little man

mm so like what is up with the divorce couple? like clearly Lilith got Charlie in the divorce but the line that even before that she didn't know him (she looks fairly in her todler years so like)

I very much like loved more than anything the song.

lmao vaggie is STRESSED.

on to Ep 6!

oh vaggie looks exhausted

I have a head canon of Vaggie and Charlie have the same dynamic as Cassandra and Rapunzel if they hooked up.... before the plot twist reveal anyway.

CHERRY BOMB I LOVE HER

God Sir pentious is so pathetic I love him

mmmm that was a design choice for saint peter but tbh Idc much

oooo the designs are prety cool!

MOLLY MOLLY MOLLY MOLLY MOLLY MOLLY MOLLY

Ugh fuckin' Adam

Wait- so legit NO one else knows about the extermination?????

mmm naming reasons a sideeeee Called it

God fuckin' Adam, get this man off my phone screen

I need charlie to spend a month on earth, cause hearing her marvel at rainbow sprinkles is both cute and sad

Oh Sera so like- you're kinda the worse huh?

"He was the first human-" Uh yeaaaaaa cause the rough draft is SO much better than the final product????

Pleaseeeeeee sir pentious be quietttttttttt

12 ROUNDS BACK TO BACK??????

someone save sir pentious

UGH valentino

let's GOOOOOOOO Angel Dust

what ARE the rules to get into heaven??

"A lot you don't know." THEN EXPLAIN IT, LEGIT EXPLAIN AND WE'D BE OUT OF YOUR HAIR IF IT WAS SO HOPELESS

legit if you know the answers please share with the class, then maybe you wouldn't have any issues?? what the fuck is actually going on here

mmm the bad place vibes

ooo vaggie angel reveaaalll

I hope Emily kicks ASS

I wonder if Adam legit has special first child privileges that is stopping him from falling cause HUUUUH there's no way he can get away with acting like that

Also given that only Sera and Adam (and his servants) Knew, word would HAVE to get out, as secrets doesn't seem to be a thing.

I wonder if Emily could take thiws up to someone higher like an archangel or something? I legit want Gabriel reveaal, 1: he seemed the most chill thinking back on old bible studies (Its been a while), and too cause supernatural brain rot made me love the dynamic of angel family drama tbh

[afniel]

I am a very smart man and today I made an announcement for a FFXIV event happening later in the day that I run (vaguely, I sorta organize it, it runs itself, this is an important detail in a bit), promptly forgot it existed, and then never showed up.

Of course that's just plain ADHD and having other stuff demanding my attention. I was talking to my partner and making a kind of kickass dinner and got really into both of those things and lost track of the time. But also it's just...way less stressful of an event? I've done other events. Some of them for years. I would pay money to get those years back because all I ever got out of it was gray hairs and anxiety and since it's been long enough and I don't care anymore so I feel like being honest, a fucking ungrateful group of attendees that no matter how long and hard I dragged their stupid event by its short 'n curlies across a gravel parking lot, 99% of them would conveniently forget I existed all the time forever because I wasn't a Popular RPer and the other event runners were, so fuck me for not being a cool kid I guess, I was just there to pester with questions about where the cool kids were when they couldn't make it. The 1% that didn't do this were great folks, but damn, man, literally all I ever wanted was someone to say, "hey man, thanks for putting all this work into this," and that happened zero times. Even when I publicly announced that I was stepping down. Not a single fuckin' peep. Whew. I don't miss that.

(Yeah, that's an ancient-ass vent that I've been sitting on for years and it shows. It took me this long to learn how to not give a shit if anyone knows I didn't like the treatment I got.)

But now? I set up an event that it literally doesn't even matter if I'm there, it'll function alright. People are chill and genuinely nice to be around. I don't feel invisible. I don't have to do math about it (scorekeeping was never my strong point and that was a big part of the prior thing). I don't have anxiety attacks before, during, and after it. Nobody starts drama. It's just...nice. I don't think I realized how nice until I looked at the clock and realized it was an hour and a half into the event and I was so unstressed about it that I hadn't even shown up. And even realizing that didn't stress me out, I just said, lmao, I seem to not be feeling it today, and that was fine.

Being fine in a totally normal way shouldn't feel like such a revelation, but damn, man. I do not have the energy to go into the hundred ways that certain people and events in FFXIV RP fucked me up, and also some of those people who fucked shit up are here on Tumblr and I don't need the attention, and some others of them who had their shit fucked up don't need their business aired and I can't really get into mine without doing that, but I'm actually pretty alright at this point. It's neat. I could get used to this.